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A Pagan Baby's Journal

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2004.06.07  15.53
Just for now

For the time being...I'm focusing all of my posting to my main journal. It's just too much these days to keep up with all of my themed journals adequately, but I don't want to abandon them forever. To that end, allow me to invite you continue to read my posts there, and fill out a poll so that you continue to have access to this journal's subject matter. You can find the poll here.

Otherwise...I'll be back here eventually!


  2004.05.26  15.55
2 months old!

Dear Anya,

You turned 2 months old last week! And two days ago Daddy took you to your two month appointment with the doctor. You're now just over 12 lbs and almost 23 inches long! You're growing like crazy.

It was also time for your immunizations. You had to have four shots and got two in each thigh. Daddy said you seemed sort of shocked at first, before you realized that it really hurt. He dropped you off later that afternoon with me, when he was on his way to work. You'd been calm the whole drive over, but when you and I headed home together, you were inconsolable. It was only later that I realized that you needed some Tylenol, but ironically, you calmed down once we got in the car to go get the Tylenol. You slept very well Monday night after your shots.

Last night Daddy and I gave you a bath together and he washed your hair while I took care of the rest. You seem to enjoy bathtime pretty well, even though you haven't figured out yet that it's a neat place for playing. I read you a story later, but you fell asleep about the time I began...or started to drift off, anyway. Goodnight Moon doesn't seem to hold your attention just yet.

Last Sunday you finally got to meet Sara! She thought you were very cool. She crawled over to you when you were in your bouncy chair, pulled herself up, and reached for your eyes, again and again. I don't know if she was trying to pet you or what. We have some cute pictures of the two of you together. Her baby blessing was simple and sweet, and she had a very cute gown that Auntie Ne and Semi (sp? pronounced see me) made together.

And, since she's outgrown her swimsuits, she's passed them on, so now you have two. Perfect for swimming at your grandparents' houses. I guess that means that Mommy and Daddy should get swimsuits so they can take you swimming. Sara is starting swimming lessons very soon....sounds like a cool idea for you for next spring!

Auntie Ne and Uncle Scott have agreed to be your goddess parents and your legal guardians should anything unfortunate happen to us. They didn't hesitate even when I mentioned that they should seriously consider it since you might have brothers or sisters (or both) and they would be included. But they don't care - we're very much like family.

And lastly, your poor Aunt Jennifer and Uncle Jeff's house in Texas burnt down so they and your cousins are moving back to Arizona a little ahead of schedule. While that is certainly sad news for them because they lost almost all of their belongings, it brings some good news for us because now you get to meet your only cousins, your family-aunt and one of your family-uncles.

You and Daddy have gone out for your regular Wednesday trip to the game store and the comic book store today. There are often other babies and their daddies at the comic book store on Wednesdays.

I miss you today. I have to go back to school tonight and won't be home until very late, and you may already be asleep by then. We had a little bit of time to play this morning, but that was it. It was nice to hear your voice when I called Daddy a little while ago.

I love you.


  2004.05.18  10.55
Ooh - Future Baby Name Consideration

Been thinking about baby names again - not that we're planning on trying for another baby anytime soon!

I just came across the name Priyanka. It's a Hindu name meaning beautiful or lovable act, symbol or body. I think it's lovely. Priya would make a nice nick-name for it.

I also heard the name Dante used for a woman the other day and I find that very intriguing.

Lately I'm also stuck on Lillith or Lillith-Claire. Not sure why.

Still loving Sebastian for a boy and thinking Malcom (sp?) would make a lovely second name...or Myrrdin.


  2004.05.12  17.32
Back to Work - Adventures in Breast Pumping

Maternity leave is over and I returned to work today. I'm fresh from a shopping spree of sorts, a new hair cut, new shoes...ready for my old job with fresh eyes. But these new shoes, by the end of the day, have become little torture devices, and I have no choice but to walk back and forth to the gym in them in order to have a quiet and private place to pump.

So pumping breast milk is a whole new experience now. I bought a breast pump last Friday - and Ameda "Purely Yours" pump. Now, it seems to me that I might have actually gotten better results hand expressing milk, but because I don't have a completely private place to pump at work, only semi-private, I didn't think that would be the way to go. Not to mention, this is a bit faster. Still, I sat there during my first try at work-pumping today, in the women's locker room, and figured, since I was in my new sassy dress, that I should take the dress off, and pump, discreetly, in my slip and bra. Well, when the first person walked in, I changed my mind. Honestly, I hadn't expected anyone to walk in at all at that time of day, but there she was. So I threw my dress, drape style, over my chest to try to provide a little comfort barrier for her and I. That's when I decided that something had to be done. During my next break, I was reading a brochure that came with the kit and I saw a picture of a woman pumping, but with a sportcoat on over her bra...ah..I should be wearing a jacket or sweater. Finally, later, I decided to just hike up the skirt and pull it down over the pumps, slip exposed...kept me covered, but wouldn't you know it, that would be the one time that no one walked in on me.

Hubby says she downed the 8oz of breast milk I'd saved well before noon and has now had at least another 7oz of similac. I think I pumped 9oz today. I really am going to have to have to do better at this if we're going to continue breastfeeding. Crazy. So I'm feeling a little bad about that.

Otherwise...busy busy busy.


  2004.05.02  19.11
6 1/2 weeks old

Dear Anya,

You totally know when I want to go do something...seems to cue you in to let me know you want my attention. Don't get me wrong. Given the choice, I'd probably stay awake at night instead of sleeping just to look at you. I was thinking this week about how fast you're growing, and how much I want to take pictures and video to try to capture these moments, this fast-fleeting time. It's like trying to catch sand or water as it pours into your hand...as much as you try, you can't stop it from moving on. But I still need to get dishes and laundry done, homework, working on your room...so many things to do. And just when I get motivated, you need me. Perhaps that's really more about me not being motivated until too late, more than you "foiling" my plans ;).

You've outgrown your cute little pink sneakers with the lace laces. I discovered this yesterday when I was dressing you for your first trip out of town, to Prescott. So you went shoeless, since the only other shoes we had were size 1 and they seemed awfully big (I had Daddy take them with him to work today to give them to Sara's dad. I think she might be able to fit them.)

You are cooing and chatty, in your own way, lately. You squeal and blow bubbles, grunt and creak like a squeaky, creaky old door.

We are starting to play different little games with you. Daddy sometimes will nuzzle and nibble on one side of your neck, and then you'll turn your head as if to block him, but expose the other side of your neck, which he then goes in to nibble and nuzzle...and back and forth it goes. Sometimes you and I play the "Yeah!" game. I take your hands and make you dance and then bring them way up over your head and yell "Yeah!" Okay...so this may be more about amusing me than you...lol.

You've taken to pooing and peeing when I change your diaper. I hardly think it's fair that you haven't done the same to Daddy, but he'll get his, I'm sure.

As big as you're already getting, you're still my little red baby, my poopala, my Lulu bunny.


  2004.04.26  07.22

Anya has conjunctivitis in her right eye. She's had it since she was about a week old, and we had her on drops for it for two weeks (was prescribed for 1 week, but the infection didn't go away after 1 week, and even spread to the other eye, which we also treated). I mentioned it to Dr. Wells last week and he said that she might have a blocked tear duct, possibly because it was just so small right now since she's an infant, and that it often clears up within a year...but this poor little girl has developed a super crusty eye. We've taken to calling her "goopy girl", sympathetically, of course. Yesterday her eye was red all around the lids and looked almost as if she'd been clocked in the eye, like a boxer. It was swollen and small looking. I've taken to trying a warm compress on her eye in hopes that it will loosen things up and reduce the swelling and redness some and am clearing her eye as gingerly as possible to avoid irritating it further. It looks a bit better this morning. If it continues to look okay, and by that I mean less red and swollen than yesterday, then I'll skip calling Dr. Wells for today and see how it looks tomorrow. Maybe I can get out of seeing my folks tomorrow if I have to take the baby in to see the doctor. That'd be sweeeet!


  2004.04.23  13.50
Parents and Grandparents - A Rant

Read more...Collapse )


  2004.04.23  13.40
5 1/2 weeks

Dear Anya,

You and I went to see the pediatrician last Wednesday. You have grown so big!!! You're now 10 lbs 3 oz, but about the same height as when you were born. The doctor said that your complextion (sp?) - you've broken out in the last several weeks - will clear up soon, and that it is a delayed reaction to pregnancy hormones.

You've begun to smile a little bit and just a little bit ago you seemed to recognize Daddy and smile at him. You've begun cooing and grunting a bit and generally making noise just for your own entertainment. You're also sleeping a little bit longer in the early part of the evening and not staying up as long when you wake throughout the night. It'll still be nice when you sleep for 6 hours in a row, though!

I love to watch you and Daddy together. You both look so cute cuddling together in the morning before we all get up for the day. When I return to work in a few weeks, I'm really going to miss all of the time that the three of us have gotten to spend together.

Well, I need to stop writing right now as you are sitting in my lap, getting fussy. I had had you in your bouncy chair watching your first Disney movie, Sleeping Beauty, just a minute ago, but I guess you've run out of patience with it...or maybe you're just hungry again.

Tonight you go to a babysitter for the first time. You'll be with Uncle S for a few hours since I trust him completely, so I'm not at all nervous. I think he's really looking forward to it.


  2004.04.18  12.47
1 month old!

Dear Anya,

Yesterday you turned one month old. We went to a BBQ at Dad's friend Dusty's house and you met Morgan, who was a year and a week old and intensely fascinated by you, how little you were, and very interested in your pacifier. You were very good, sleeping part of the time and hanging out with Dad or me, or in your bouncy chair the rest of the time.

Today you smiled at me...


  2004.04.16  23.48
My Beautiful Baby Girl

crossposted from my main journal -

Anyanka Magdalena Vivian - 1 month old

Anya - 1 month old

Link to slideshow of more pics


  2004.04.07  15.57
3 weeks old today!

Dear Anya,

You're three weeks old today! You are still up for only about 2 hours at a time, and then sleeping for two or three hours at a shot. You have a really healthy appetite, too; you can easily down a 4 oz bottle, though chances are that if we let you do it all at once, you'll spit at least half of it back up. And you're definitely not afraid to tell us what you want, if only you could find the words. Until then, you seem very content to use what communication skills you have, namely crying and screaming. We just discovered today that you are starting to get fussy about your diaper - not that we've neglected it, but up until now, you haven't really seemed to care.

This weeks adventures have included several trips to the hospital, although you haven't gone any further inside the hospital than the lobby and have often just stayed out in the car either with me or with A or C. We've also been to see Grandma Penny to get your Easter basket - we'll have to explain to Grandma better next year that we don't celebrate Easter, but that the basket would be very welcome on Ostara (Spring Equinox). We've also been to Dad's work to see him and visit with his coworkers. We also went to the Litchfield Art Festival with A and C on Sunday - your first venture out in your stroller. You slept the whole time and caught many an eye of passers-by. Tomorrow night, we'll go and see Grandpa Rick, who hasn't seen you since you were just a few days old.

Your Aunt and Uncle J will be moving back to town with your cousins this summer, so that should be an exciting time - you'll get to meet your only cousins. Your Uncle T has yet to meet you, but sounds like he already loves you bunches and can't wait to meet you. He even took a picture (from a collection we had lent to your Grandma Penny) so that he could have one of you.

You're already changing so much! Your little Lulu face that I love so much is less frequent because your face is changing, but now your pretty blue eyes seem to shine even more! I know Daddy is totally in love with them. Everyone says you are so very pretty. I make sure to tell them that you're also really, really strong! You can hold your head up, even if a bit unsteadily, for a minute or more and turn it to look around at things. I've seen you push yourself up onto your hands when resting on my chest or on the floor, and when you have your tummy time, it seems like you already have the urge to move your legs to crawl - like you've got places to go and things to do!

Morgan and Lydia are becoming less intimidated by you. They still pretty well leave you alone, but they are moving to hang out closer to you when either Dad or I are holding you. Morgan had been sleeping in your stroller until I put the stroller in my car.


  2004.04.01  20.04

Dear Anya,

You are two weeks old as of yesterday! And yesterday we went to visit my work - everyone was completely in love with you! The girls in the office waited as patiently as they could for you to wake up - you slept for a very long time yesterday afternoon - but they couldn't wait to just hold you and cuddle with you, play with your toes and just cuddle with you. Amy and Jeannie fed you a bottle and Nicci even wanted to change your diaper! Angie held you a couple of times and HR came in and sat on the floor with you and played grandma - which you loved. Even Irwin held you for a little while - he only has little boys. And Michael from New Orleans sent a package for you just the day before - two beautiful onesies and a beautiful soft pink blanket, all from Pippen Lane children's emporium.

We also went to see my parents - the second time we've been by there for a visit since you were born. Grandpa loves cuddling with you more than just about anything, but he doesn't give you much room to move, or breathe, and is kind of over protective. Grandma's more easy going and gives you more room. Make note - this is not only a fact, but a metaphor for life with them...

Let's see...what else? You met your other grandma this past Monday. She's not been feeling very well lately, but her eyes totally lit up when she saw you and she held you for quite a little while, until you woke up and needed to be fed. Her dog, Kaluha, who is a very big dog (sort of a great dane / boxer), was so sweet to you! Every time you cried he would come over to check on you and he didn't bark or act aggressive at all. He's very, very gentle and protective of babies. We had a nice visit with her and will go back to see her next Monday, which is the day I usually go to see her so your grandpa can go do his radio show.

And a week ago tomorrow, you lost your cord and got your belly button! A big day, I think. I've set your cord aside for the time being. We'll bury it during your baby blessing, which reminds me, I need to get together with your Auntie Ne to talk about that.

Oh, and a week ago yesterday you had your first doctors appointment. You weighed 8lbs already - more than when you were born. You also measured 20 inches long, though it is hard to say if you really grew a whole half inch in just a week or if you just stretched out a bit more. Dad and I didn't really like your doctor a whole lot. His belt stuck out instead of being tucked in neatly, his clothes seemed very old and worn, and he just didn't look all that neat and tidy. Not to mention he wasn't all that supportive of my choice not to immunize you at such a young age against Hepatitis B. I told him I'd read more about it and let him know for sure at our next appointment, but the more we think about it, the more we're leaning toward just getting you a new pediatrician.

Last Saturday, A & C and S came over to visit, though you slept the whole time. They are so excited that you've been born. And surprise! They got a brand new cousin that very morning, just a week and a half younger than you! Unfortunately, their aunt, uncle and new little cousin live far away in Arkansas. I was hoping to take you out with all of them tomorrow night for your very first art-walk, but S is in the hospital so we will have to wait until next month when he is feeling better.

I have a few nicknames for you already. Lulu is my favorite - you make the cutest face when you're hungry sometimes - eyes big and wide and your lips thin and round like you're saying Lulu. Sometimes I call you Lulu Lips. Another name is Sweetie Pete. Probably came from Sweetpea, but Sweetie Pete reminds me of your great-great grandmother who my mother called Granny Pete. And the last nickname is Poopala (poop uh luh). That's mostly for diaper-changing time. Dad doesn't have names for you that he uses over and over, but I've heard him call you snickerbottom.

Lydia and Morgan aren't sure what to make of you just yet. Lydia has been a bit more curious and, surprisingly, more willing to approach you, though if you move she runs away. Morgan seems to pretend that you aren't there, though not so much so that she accidently comes really close to you. Still, Morgan will still come in and sleep at Dad's feet at night and doesn't seem to be bothered by your middle of the night feedings. I haven't had much time for either of them lately, but Dad makes sure they get plenty of affection and attention.

Right now, you are sleeping in the baby swing we got from Sara. You've been up most of the afternoon, so I'm more than relieved that you're taking a nice long sleep. I can't believe I've already had enough time to get down all of these little details I wanted to preserve for you.


  2004.03.24  20.30
Baby Is 1 Week Old!

Anya is one week old today! It was a big day, too. We had our first family outing - doctors' visits and a visit to her maternal grandparents. I can't say it was all that great of a day. It was somewhat frustrating, actually.

It's starting to get warm here. With all of the comotion and the heat of the car, or just the general ambient warmth, Anya ended up sleeping an awful lot of the day. She barely seemed to eat - until we got home! But once in a while she'd wake up and get upset. I had prepared her first bottle earlier that morning, just in case (breastmilk - not formula), but usually once the bottle came out, she quieted down, so back in the fridge it has gone, possibly for a late night feeding when Mom needs some rest.

We had lots of frustrations with the health insurance company today too. The doctor's office didn't understand that we didn't owe them any money for the visit, so we had to shell out $140 for the vist, and for a doctor who came in looking somewhat dissheveled, his belt untucked and his shirt seemingly threadbare. I'm also not very impressed by his lack of support for my choice not to do the Hepatitis B immunization in infancy. But I wasn't in a good place to completely argue with him either, so I told him I'd research it further and let him know next time - but we'll see if there is going to be a next time with this guy.

The insurance is also supposed to cover Anya for her first 30 days automatically, but that ended up being under my name (so how is that really covering her?). So now I have to submit her prescription (antibiotic drops for her eye - she's got a little conjunctivitis in the right eye as of last night) and her doctor's visit for reimbursement. GRRRRR!!!!!

She has the cutest mouth in the whole world, if you ask me, but has her dad's uncanny ability to make some monstrous faces as well (she looks so much like him, his brother, and the whole Nichols side of the family). We discovered during her first at home bath last night that she actually DOES have curly hair, though her hat seems to straighten it out.

We saw Lynnette, our midwife, today, briefly, when we were at the office, waiting to see Dr. Martin. She seemed elated to see us and gave both Hubby and I hugs, as if we'd been through an ordeal together. Truthfully, we have been, but I don't recall it at all, at least, none where she was there. I have to take Hubby's word for it that she was completely awesome. I'll go back and see her in 3 weeks.

It's been weird adjusting to the idea that I had this ideal birth experience in mind, and even an acceptable middle of the road birth experience if things didn't go my way. It's hard to realize that the birth experience I had was the antithesis in nearly every way of the one that I had worked for, except that Anya and I both made it out alive and perfectly healthy, and for that little bit, I'm extremely grateful. My sister reminded me (or reinformed me, I should say) that when she talked to me on the morning of the 18th, early in the morning (about 5:30 am she said) that I said that I had seen the baby but not really processed that first time meeting experience well. I wish I could remember the first time I saw her, but that is lost to an anaesthetic and post-seizure haze. And really it isn't the birth experience itself that is so critical to remember, but the things that follow and make up a life together as a family, right?

Can you tell I'm dealing with just a touch of post-partum? I think I'm still waiting for her "real parents" to come and pick her up, in some way. It's sinking in, bit by bit, that I'm the mommy.

Anyway, I just wanted to jot a few things down for the record. More to come in the coming days.


  2004.03.17  06.09

Ladies and Gentlemen:

I believe our big moment has arrived. Of course, she's already not listening to her parents and has decided that St. Patrick's day is also going to be her day.

I've been having regular contractions since about 3:30 this morning, woke Hubby up around 4, and now we're off to Walmart to get a few last minute things on the way to the hospital.

Wish me luck!


  2004.03.15  08.48
40 Weeks, 1 Day

Just wanted to give a quick update that I'm still at home and comfortable. I got up around 2:30 and walked around for a few minutes (up and down the hallway, downstairs etc) and got something to eat, watched a little TV while sitting etc. That seemed to take care of the cramping I was feeling. I also read upon false labor vs real labor, but there wasn't enough indication at the time which I was really having. Now, of course, I know.

This all leaves me pretty darn anxious. Hubby and I both agree that we feel somewhat confident that tomorrow could be our day. I haven't yet finished my homework for this course, so I'm a little nervous. I'm sure I can still pass the class with at least a B, but we all know what sort of a grade-grubber I've been about keeping my 4.0. We'll see if that's even possible. I doubt I'll make my homework deadline today, though, because I have an appointment at 10:10 and then need to come home and rest - and I'm sure my homework will take more than the 5 hours or so I'll have the rest of the afternoon. Of course, all of this means that I'm staying home from work today, too.

It's hard to keep up with everyone who is calling for updates. No one wants to be left out of the information loop, but I just don't have the time, energy and patience to call everyone I know twice a week to let them know that nothing has really changed. Now I know how Ne felt. And I think it's truly hard for people to imagine that they aren't part of a very small group, but a large one, that wants the information all at once. It's nice to know that so many people care and are cheering us on.


  2004.03.15  02.24

Wouldn't you know it? Just after Anya's due date, I start to feel uncomfortable. It was literally not to long after midnight that I started to feel uncomfortable and a bit achy. I'm still not totally convinced it's not gas or a little constipation, but I'm ready to try to start timing some of this achiness.


  2004.03.13  17.56
39 Weeks, 6 Days

I'm paranoid this weekend. Although I still have a strong sense of going into labor closer to Tuesday, I'm still a bit jumpy at every little cramp and trip to the bathroom. I should be doing homework in earnest right now, to be prepared, but I'm not. GRRR!!

Granted, I've been tired and sleepy and trying to keep my feet up as much as possible since they didn't unswell much last night. Heartburn and gas situtation is much, much better today, though.

I feel like I'm just killing time.

I still have things I need to do, like the belly cast, shopping for a few last minute snacks to take to the hospital and downloading some music for the birth, but I'm seriously not motivated to do much at all. Maybe Monday night I'll do some, if I'm still preggers.

Oh, and Hubby has been a bit more helpful the last few days - he did some laundry, emptied the dishwasher and put some dirty dishes back in the dishwasher. Still, he wants me to hang up the laundry so it will dry and asked me to put gas in his car just because I was taking it out on a short errand (three miles away - and he had half a tank anyway!) Needless to say, neither has been done. I'll hang up laundry later if I think about it. At least I brought some clothes hangers downstairs, so that's ready.

Sorry. I'm babbling.


  2004.03.12  20.08
Counting Down

Just 2 days to my due date. Hardly seems like it's real! I don't think I'll have the baby this weekend though. Pretty sure it'll be the middle of next week - crossing my fingers it's Monday evening, Tuesday, Thursday evening or anytime Friday through Sunday. I'm just not seeing myself at work past Monday. My coworkers don't think I'll be back at all. But the odds of my having the baby this weekend are about 10%.

Funny, S called me to let me know that his girls are going to their grandmother's place this weekend, but he wasn't sure he wanted to let them go if I was close to delivering. We decided that as long as grandma is okay with getting a call from me, whenever this weekend on the off chance that I DO go into labor, that we'd wait for her to arrive at our house (since she lives about 20 miles or so further west of us), and then all go to the hospital together. Hopefully that won't be necessary - they don't get a lot of time with their grandmother.

And now for something I was going to mention the other day, but didn't. It's about sexCollapse )


  2004.03.11  09.17
Still Run Down

I slept off an on from about midnight to about 9AM this morning. Of course, I was up about every hour and a half or so to go to the bathroom. It was an uncomfortable evening, to say the least - mostly because of gas and some slight constipation. Walking is a bit uncomfortable now but seems to get things moving through my system so I'm trying not to be completely sedentary.

I was thinking this morning about my fears about childbirth. I really think that part of it is not being mentally ready "at a moment's notice". I want to feel like I have control over something that I know I really don't have control over. I still know I can do this, but my confidence is waivering a bit here and there. Still, I'm using these last few days as a time to practice a positive attitude in the face of uncertainty and to practice relaxation even when I'm uncomfortable. I'm even practicing focused pushing, of a sort, when the time is appropriate ;).

I've called in sick today and for once feel good about that decision. I know I need to spend a good chunk of the day on homework, but I also just want to spend some time just relaxing and napping. I feel like I need to stock up on rest.


  2004.03.10  22.53
Thirty-Nine and a Half Weeks

Had my appointment today. Lynnette is not happy with my blood pressure, although I didn't think it was all that much higher than it was the week before. Probably that combined with the fact that I had protein in my urine has caused her to be concerned, so we did more labs for preeclempsia.

The stats everyone wants to know:
1-2 cm dialated
-2 station
70% effaced!

Due to my swelling, the protein, the blood pressure and the closeness to my due date, Lynnette now has me on half days at work...no more than 4 hours a day. I'm okay with that. Hopefully, Anya will come soon and I'll still have some vacation time left. She also has me lying down on my side for an hour, but now twice a day.

I'm still sort of anxious about leaving work. I feel like I still have a lot that I want to get done before I leave, but I can't always get motivated to get it done.

When Lynnette did my exam today, she didn't tell me, until she was in mid process, that she was separating my membranes. What is that?Collapse ) Like a pap-smear on crack! YOWSA! That was uncomfortable. I wish she had asked me first if I even wanted her to do that. She said that if I was close to labor it would help me progress in the next 24 hours, but if not, then it wouldn't do anything. Of course, she isn't going to be available in 24 hours because she's going to be camping...so what is the point of that??? I don't need to be induced at this point. But I sense that induction is on her mind, possibly because of the bloodpressure / possible preeclempsia issues.

After my appointment, I, of course, had cramping and some bleeding. I went ahead to the mall to get some lotions over at Bath and Body Works - a total spoil-me treat for myself. I spent more than I would normally because our tax refund has come in and I'm feeling a little flexible in our spending...if only for a few things. I got some more Body Butter but this time in Cotton Flower scent - great for the feet. I also got two tubes of body creme, one in the sweet pea scent I had originally and one in the Warm Vanilla Sugar. I also got a container of body scrub in the Cotton Flower scent and a pair of pedicure socks that have reflexology notations on the soles...figured those could come in handy during labor ;)

In the doctor's office, while I was waiting to be called in, they had a video showing how to bathe babies. It suddenly dawned on me that it won't be very long at all before I will be doing that with my very own baby...every day if I want to...and I got really overwhelmed with how fortunate and blessed I feel. Scared, but blessed. Yeah, I'm starting to build a bit of fear about the labor, in part because of the discomfort and cramping I've been feeling. Hubby teased me about it when I tearfully mentioned it to him, but then reminded me that women do this every day and if they can do it, so can I. That's just what I had been telling myself when I felt confident and it did help to put me back into the right frame of mind. I CAN DO THIS! But it's becoming clear just how much support I'm going to need, how many reminders I'm going to need with my positive thinking so that I can stay focused, as relaxed as possible.

Now, listen, Anya...we want to do this next week. Tuesday (3-16) would be good, or anytime over the weekend Friday - Sunday (19th - 21st). Any of those. Ostara might be nice (Spring Equinox), but I'll let you pick.

I've been really tired this evening. Really, really tired. But since Hubby was off, and I was really hoping to get some homework done (yeah, right!), I've just felt sort of off. Not to mention the cramping I had on the way home - which wasn't horrible or anything...just haven't felt that sort of thing in a while. I took a nap right when I got home. Got up around 8:00 and watched a movie with Hubby. But now I'm exhausted again and ready for bed. I've decided that I need to call in sick tomorrow, though I will likely work a few hours from home anyway, just to get some things ready for my leave and such. Then on Friday, presuming I haven't gone into labor, and I doubt that I will go into labor, I'll start with the half days. Taking off tomorrow will let me get caught up on rest and hopefully get into some homework so that I can try to keep pace with my class. I may need to take another short break in between classes...I can't see me trying to start up again immediately after this one...I need some time with baby, just a few weeks to get some rest and into a routine without having to worry about school.

My next appointment is Monday morning, although I will call the birth center on Friday to find out the status of my PIH screening...they're supposed to let me know if it's a problem, but I'd rather hear either way before the weekend.


  2004.03.09  08.07

Last night, for the first time in probably weeks, Hubby came up to bed to sleep. He's been saying how uncomfortable he is on the couch, but I also snore so loudly now that he can't really sleep upstairs in our room either. I've been asking him to move the bed out of the spare room, where it lives tipped up against a wall, into the loft, so that we have the option of another comfortable sleeping space, but he refuses.

Last night he seemed so comfy in bed. I was tossing and turning, switching channels, adjusting the ceiling fan (it got pretty hot in the house yesterday) so that I could sleep...anyway he seemed to sleep through most of that.

I'm glad he came up though. I've really missed him.


  2004.03.07  22.08
39 Weeks - Still Cooking

We've got 7 days left to our due date, officially. Hubby is ready to have it all over with. The waiting is killing him. Me? I could still hang out a little bit longer. Most of my discomfort from last week is gone - seriously, I think it was gas and constipation. I have no idea where the gas is coming from, because I've cut way way back on the soda. But who knows.

I AM feeling sorta helpless these days though. I just don't have a lot of energy for anything. Hubby and I have been bickering back and forth - likely some hormones and stresses on both our parts. I think he needs to pick up more of the slack and let me rest these last few weeks. He's not so inclined to think so and gets frustrated that I can't/won't keep pace, and am not as congenial as I've been. We're also both starting to worry a bit more about the postpartum period, since I am prone to hormonal mood swings and the irrationality that accompanies it. Even now, while I'm trying to stay even keeled and good humored about things, I find that his teasing is much less tolerable and seemingly more pronounced and he finds me crankier than I've been. As much as I tell him not to say things about me being big sized, or not to comment on this or that because I find it hurtful, he finds endless joy in continuing, it seems. Really mature.

Anyway, I put up the playpen today. I don't think I'm going to get the one from the lady at work, and at this point, I'm totally okay with that. It's all set up now with the bassinette inside plus the changing table area. I wish now that I'd gotten the little side bags that hold the diapers, but I guess I can come up with a little shelf or space to hold some diapers and baby needs downstairs.

I had a little chuckle to myself when I was reading the numerous warnings on the playpen instructions. One was that the bassinette wasn't for use for babies over 15 lbs. All I could think of was, well, I hope that Lydia, my oldest cat, doesn't climb in there...she'll bust it for sure. And worse...what if she AND Morgan got in there...lol. Poor Lydia probably couldn't climb in there though. She's too big and awkward and probably a bit arthritic. But I expect to find Morgan in there any time now.


  2004.03.06  20.10
Packin' Our Bags

How sweet!

Hubby packed his bag for the hospital today. It is in his car, along with the carseat. We're very nearly ready for Anya's arrival.

I wish the house were a little tidier, and I really want to get through a few more days at work, but besides that, I think I'm pretty much ready for her. Oh, and I really want to do a belly cast tomorrow. We'll see how I'm feeling about that one when the time comes.


  2004.03.05  10.25
Mucous Plug Question - pamamama?

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  2004.03.04  13.52
38 1/2 weeks - Appointment

Reviewed my birthplan with Lynnette yesterday. She seemed overall very happy with it, answered questions that I'd jotted down, and let me know where she thought I might run into some resistance from the hospital. She's still a bit down on my choice, but I presume that that is from her own limited experience at that hospital. I (internally) argue that the hospital will never develop a better relationship with the midwives and their patients if they aren't given the opportunity to serve those patients. I'm throwing myself in as a guinea pig, so to speak.

Blood pressure was down and she was excited about that. Guess my cutting back on work has helped. Also lost a pound. I was excited about that...not that I was trying, but I've been gaining at such a rapid rate of late, and what I felt was unreasonably high (4 lbs a week!) that I'm not worried about that one pound. I've still been eating well...no real changes.

Other than that, here are the stats everyone wants to know:

dilated to 1 cm
0% effaced
cervix is very soft (was hard for her to find because of that, she said) and I assume the cervix is still posterior
baby was at -2 station yesterday (though I swear today she must have dropped further)

I knew I might have some bleeding yesterday, but I was sorta surprised by how much I did end up having. It was almost like mid-cycle of my period. Was weird to see that, and even though I knew bleeding was possible side-effect of a check, I'm glad she mentioned it, because I think I might have been a bit alarmed anyway.

Hubby was commenting yesterday that time is moving oddly. Seems like this last week and a half is moving so slowly (yes, we only have 10 days to our due date!), and yet it's hard to believe that it is just a week and a half until our daughter may be here (okay...give or take because who knows when she'll arrive, really). He's packing his bag tonight so he can be ready for the hospital too. I also asked him to take the carseat with him today so he and S can install it when they have some down time at work. The carseat will stay in his car til the baby is born.

I broke the news the the coven last night that I will not be back for our study groups until after the baby is born. They are being so phenomenally supportive and are so excited. I can't wait to have the women from the group there to help me during labor (Hubby's the only man that gets to stay after I start pushing). But Lynnette suggested that I might have a few too many...we will see...listed on my attendants list. Just depends. If so, I'm going to have to ask the girls from coven to step out and catch the video later. Neither of them is planning on having children, so I'd rather make the educational opportunity available to the women who haven't yet, but are planning on it, so they know what to expect and can be empowered by that.

Last thing...Lynnette was emphatic that I make sure that my birth attendants all understand that they do not have to be intimidated by the nurses. That if we want to do chanting to work on pain management...then we can just say "This is what we're going to do - Let's do it!"


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